Do I REALLY Need All The Answers RIGHT NOW???

 

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“Life’s a dance, you learn as you go.
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow.
Don’t worry ’bout what you don’t know,
life’s a dance, you learn as you go.” – John Michael Montgomery

This song should be tattooed somewhere on my forehead, so I can see it each and every time I look into the mirror. The truth about it is that we are all going blindly through life feeling our way through as we go. 

Today, I was in a book discussion group. I wasn’t exactly part of the group but I was working near where they were meeting. The discussion came around to two subjects that I know much about. Death and Journaling. Well, being who I am, I had to throw my two cents worth into the discussion.

The first question that came up was “Should people discuss their wishes for their funeral with their loved ones and how difficult is the discussion”?  I told them that my husband had been sick with not only the cancer that finally caused his transition but in the ten years prior, he had also had heart disease, he had a pacemaker / defibrillator implanted, he had diabetes and he had degenerative disc disease. He went to his mother’s funeral on a gurney because he had back surgery the week before and could only stand or lie down.

I also told them,  we had discussed his wishes and when the time came, I only had to sit out on my carport and tell the funeral director what he wanted. The only decision I made was one pall bearer and one song. Otherwise he planned his own home going celebration.

The group who contained some people who have come to know me in the second chapter of my life, didn’t realize that I was a widow. I told them this and I was comfortable sharing with them. My voice didn’t shake, I didn’t shed a tear, I just shared the importance of the gift that he gave to me being open with his wishes. He always was. He knew what he wanted and he was vocal about his wishes.

The second subject I jumped in on was “How hard is it to journal?” I have written 14 journals in Chapter 2 of my life. When you sit alone in a house, night after night, you let things eat at you. You worry about everything. You tumble and roll in the bed because you have so much on your mind. So, it didn’t take me long to see that if I wrote in my journal it got it out of my head and onto paper. I could look at it in a different manner.  I could get outside myself.and look at the problem logically.

I could write my fears, my sadness, my hopes, my progress, my dreams all in this book. The thing about writing in a journal is that it won’t tell your secrets (until after you are dead and then you don’t care.)

Several people came up and told me what a difference my adding to the conversation had made. I felt like I was supposed to share. I haven’t been through all this to keep it to myself. I am supposed to tell others that you too can make a life you enjoy but enhance the lives of others as well. 

After getting off work, I went to a storage unit that I have been paying storage on for 3 years. I had moved my husband’s items out of the house but I wasn’t in that place where I was willing to let them go completely. Today was the day to start that process. I took two loads of items to the local thrift store and have many more loads to go.It is time to let go of “the stuff” that is no longer a part of my life. It was his. It is not him. There is no need for me to continue to hold on to it.

We don’t need to have all the answers right now. We need to let things happen in their own time. We need to trust that our life is going exactly how God has planned it. Because life truly is a dance you learn as you go!!!

 

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