Faceless

 

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Do you ever feel faceless or invisible?? It is a terrible feeling. I have felt that way before. Not in the recent past, not during my married life but there was a time in between when I felt invisible. 

Feeling invisible is when you feel overlooked and unnecessary. You want to be important to someone, you want to feel wanted and needed but you are stuck in limbo. You are not required by anyone after you were so very needed by the person who held your heart. Then suddenly they are gone from your life and you are faceless. You no longer feel like you are important to anybody. 

You go about your daily life, not being seen, not being heard, just being. Just existing. Merely taking in one breath after the other. You don’t taste your food. You eat basically to survive. You put one foot in front of the other but don’t seem to be getting anywhere. You do whatever it takes to get from minute to minute, because sometimes you can’t even make it from day to day. 

Then suddenly, it happens. Someone sees you. Really, truly SEES you!  They see something in you that you have never seen in yourself. Suddenly, you are not faceless anymore. You have felt so unworthy, to be seen that it astonishes you that the sun seems to be shining again. You have been under this storm cloud for so long that when the light shines in, you are afraid of it..You are afraid of how it makes you feel. Your first reaction to your life changing experience was feeling the pain and the loss. Then came the numb feeling. Where you didn’t feel anything at all. No pain, no grief, no joy, no happiness. You felt absolutely nothing. 

When that someone saw you, you were surprised. They remained by your side, many times as a silent observer, at other times voicing their opinion in their quite gentle way. Allowing you to become your own person, finding your own strength, grace and beauty. 

If you are in that numb, faceless place, the sun will shine again. To quote something a very wise elegant lady told me yesterday “You have to open your heart completely and overcome the fear that it will happen again”. 

 

 

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