Scars

This post will not be pretty, but I however feel it is needful. It too, is part of this story.

Today the plan was to spend the day with my mom. She had been wanting me to take her to a nearby town to go to an antique shop. So today was that day. 

When I arrived at her house, I saw she had company. Upon entering the home where I grew up, I saw her first cousin and her husband of 49 years sitting on the sofa. 

Her cousin has cancer. I just simply ask how she is doing and take a seat, putting my mom in between her cousin and me. Cancer, it just hits a little too close to home for me. As I sit down, my mom’s cousin said “So are you the one whose husband died”. I simply said yes.  I sit and listen to them talk about their fathers and about the good old days, when they were young. 

As we are sitting there I notice some things I have seen and experienced before. She would begin to talk about her up coming surgery (one of the many she has had) and her husband would turn his head with a gleam of a tear in his eye. She would then change the subject. If it got to be too much for him he would leave the room. Done that more times than I care to talk about. He was trying his best to keep this pain hidden from her. She would say things I have heard before, like “I’m not going anywhere until God says so and when he says so I am gone.” My husband said that many times. I would hear her husband say things that I myself had said, “It’s gonna be just fine. She is tough.” At one point it got to be too much for me, seeing things I have lived through the fear and the anxiety, the worry and the stress lines on his face. I got up and went outside to  watch butterflies that were flying around in the yard. They were so beautiful. They reminded me that there is still beauty left in the world. That I had survived the pain, but the scar still remained. 

My heart broke for them both. Part of the reason for this blog is to help others who are struggling through the painful part of life. Things you don’t want to name…sickness, fear, death, hopelessness. It is also to remind you to speak life over the good things…health, courage, life and hope. You don’t want to talk about the bad things. I have run into that one recently. 

As the visit ended, the goodbyes and I love yous were said. Hugs were a little tighter and there was the “what if”  and the “I hope so” hanging in the air. God knows the road ahead. He will prepare and equip them and you for whatever is needed. Take it from someone who has been there. The sun always shines after the storm.

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