I am one of those people who wants peace in my life. I think everyone wants peace, if they are honest about it. They just don’t know how. I go to great lengths to try to maintain peace in my world. If something is bothering me, I will choke on it rather than have strife in the camp. Once I have decided I need to address a problem, or share what is on my heart, I will face it head on. To quote Maggie Kuhn “Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes”. Tonight was one of those nights.
Someone who was very close to me in one chapter one of my life has been trying to wiggle their way into my circle. We had lost contact for a three years and I have changed in that time. Losing your spouse, tends to do that to a person. You are not the same person you were when you went into the battle with cancer. A few days ago, there was a misunderstanding. I had let it gnaw at my soul until I was skipping meals and it was affecting my sleep and my work. It was time to deal with it.
This afternoon, I went to “my hiding place”. That place where I go to think and breathe. I thought about it, I prayed about it, I took photos and walked….. a lot!! When I decided it was time, I made the phone call. They told me to come over to their house. We sat and had coffee and I explained myself.
I explained that I use my time as I choose. I enjoy what I do in my free time. I have the people in my circle that I enjoy and love, each of them fill a different role in my life, but each of them are vitally important. I told this person that I wasn’t angry for their absence in my life nor for the things that had happened that led up to their absence but I was living the life I have chosen in my second chapter . I’m not sure that they understand that I am HAPPY!! That the people I have in my circle are wonderful and they are my forever people.
I have learned that self care is not selfish and when they pushed too far,I told them. I informed them that there were things I enjoyed doing by myself and I would continue to do those things ALONE. These are the things I do to find my peace. By the end of the conversation, we were laughing!!!
Sometimes you have to say enough is enough, sometimes you just need to STOP!!